TWO COWS AND TODAY'S IDEOLOGIES
June 6, 2009
Perhaps you have heard of the illustrations between political worldviews with the use of two cows. Several amateur political scientists have collaborated over the years to produce a series of definitions between a wide variety of ideologies. I thought it would be advantageous (not to mention beneficial) to reproduce this list. This is not all exhaustive but most of those that apply to our current political situation are given below:
DEMOCRATS -- You have two cows, your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous, the Barbra Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICANS -- You have two cows, your neighbor has none. So?
CAPITALISM-- You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY -- You have two cows. A vote is taken and the cows win.
CURRENT REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY -- You have two cows. Your neighbor picks someone to tell you who get the milk.
LIBERALISM -- You have two cows. You sell both to the rich. The government then taxes the rich one cow and gives it to the poor.
OBAMA LIBERALISM -- You have two cows. You give away one cow and get the government to give you a new cow. Then you give them both away.
SOCIALISM -- You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you a glass of milk.
OBAMA SOCIALISM -- You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
BARNEY FRANK SOCIALISM -- You have two cows. The government takes them both, sells the milk in government stores at prices you cannot afford. You wither away.
NANCY PELOSI SOCIALISM -- You have two cows. The government takes both, and gives you spoiled milk.
FASCISM -- You have two cows. You give the milk to the government and the government sells it.
LIBERTARIANISM -- You have two cows. You let them do what they want.
REDISTRIBUTIONISM -- You have two cows. Everyone should have the same number of cows. The government takes both cows, cuts them up, and spends more than the cows are worth giving everyone a little piece of cow.
TALIBANISM -- You have two cows. At first, the government makes them wear burkas, but later shoots them because "they are Hindu religious symbols." The government then shoots you because Christians eat cow meat.
DEMOCRATIC NEW DEALISM -- You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, and pours the milk down the sink. The government insists there is a giant storage tank where all the milk goes.
NAZISM -- You have two cows. The government takes them both and then shoots you.
POLITICAL CORRECTNESSISM -- You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, warmongering, intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of nonspecified gender.
And finally, there is BIG GOVERNMENT, CAP-AND-TRADE, BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM -- Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.
As you can see from the definitions to the various ideologies prevalent in America today, it doesn't pay to have any cows.
We believe that the Constitution of the United States speaks for itself. There is no need to rewrite, change or reinterpret it to suit the fancies of special interest groups or protected classes.