September 13, 2013

Usually, dudes like to puff and flex and show off their man-toys in an attempt to promote their virility and manliness. Not Obama.

When he threw down the gauntlet in front of Assad and Congress a couple weeks ago, Obama wasted no time showing just how serious he was by heading straight to the golf course and then flying off to Sweden.

Leading up to his speech last night his military solution was best described as "unbelievably small". Quite an admission from the U.S.'s big kahuna. Realizing that he had to bolster his international chops, our Ditherer in Chief raised that to "modest". Michelle must be so proud.

In the interest of full disclosure, the description of Obama's military response was that it would entail "modest effort and risk". Better than "unbelievably small" but certainly not something to make Assad and all other current and future world leaders considering using chemical weapons tremble. Most Americans would probably prefer the leader of the free world, with 40% of the world's military might at his disposal, using words like "shock and awe."

Early on in the speech, Obama must have consulted Hillary when he suggested that we all go to YouTube and watch the videos online before making up our minds about whether a military response is the right thing to do. Wasn't this the same suggestion Obama, Clinton and Rice made during the Benghazi attack mop up?

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well you know.

The only thing missing from this part of his speech was a group of little kids gasping, wheezing and spitting up foam in the background behind him at the White House. The use of children as props was probably scrapped when they realized that sequestration left them short on White House security for the night.

While he has probably never put a worm on a hook in his life, Obama is apparently not afraid to tell a big fish story as he made the case that our national security is at risk. He started with Assad getting a pass and culminated, after going through a series of contorted convoluted circumstances, in us and our soldiers being gassed. In the end it was the equivalent of saying that the cock crows every morning and then the sun comes up, so the rooster must be causing the sun to rise.

Recently, Obama had been trying to credit his muscle flexing for Assad's petty submission, but Tuesday night Obama claimed that he was the one who suggested the potentially face-saving diplomatic solution involving Assad giving up his chemical weapons. Yes, Kerry made a major gaffe never expecting anybody to seriously consider it as an option. The brilliant strategists and foreign policy advisors at the White House could never have predicted Putin would seize it as a way to publicly spank Obama on his own playground.

In desperation, the spin-masters at Obama for America, must have been called in to rework this part of his speech. Obama didn't just infer that it was his idea, he claimed it as his own:

"In part because of...constructive talks I've had with President Putin, the Russian government has indicated a willingness to join with the international community [presumably the same international community that painted that pesky red line] in pushing Assad to give up his chemical weapons." (emphasis was Obama's)

I'm not sure what I think about my leader name dropping a Russian to make himself look good ("Yeah, I remember the other day in Leningrad, when Vlad and I were sharing a micro-brew and shot of vodka..."). It's bad enough that he claims street cred by hanging out with entertainers and sports figures, but Putin?

This re-writing of history could only have been constructed by Axelrod, Rahm Emmanuel and OFA. No doubt with the rubber stamp from Jarrett.

Obama was just as surprised as the rest of the world when Kerry went off script with such a ludicrous suggestion. He never had constructive talks with Putin about it. As a matter of fact, Putin had Kerry's Russian counterpart confirm that Kerry was not serious when he said it.

Putin did not go to the Russian government as Obama puts forward. Putin may not have Obama's stature, but he has a backbone. In Russia the buck stops with Putin. In the Oval Office everything is treated like a hot potato.

The Russian president does not go to the Politburo or his czars (or whatever) to get support or permission. Unlike Obama, while we may not agree with his politics or tactics, we can appreciate that Putin is a man of action and understands what it means to be a world-class leader.

In addition, Putin has not "joined with the international community" (a community which only exists in Obama's mind and teleprompters). France has brought the official proposal to the U.N. and Putin (again, not the Russian government) has rejected the terms as proposed. Putin has also taken the opportunity to smack Obama's forehead and poke him in both eye's by making the agreement conditional on Obama pinky swearing not to use military force against his little buddy Assad.

"Hey Barry. You can take your football and go home. We've got things covered here."

Our Procrastinator in Chief had been effectively running a hurry up and wait offense. First demanding immediate action only to choose to punt the ball to Congress on third and goal. In a stunning move last night Obama called for yet another time out while he watches a game on another channel to see what his next play is going to be.

In the end, Obama has been downshifting his monster truck for the last two weeks but now it seems that the battery in its environmentally friendly electric motor has gone dead. He's been overcompensating for his lack of manhood but one look under the hood revealed to the world that Obama is once again most comfortable bringing up the rear.

So for now Putin will work to provide a politically face-saving solution for Obama, France will take the lead at the U.N., and Obama will hook up with his buddies on the golf course where they can drink beers, compare putters, brag about the size of their clubs and lie about how far their drives went.