John Corson's Blog

WRITING & RANTING
for July 16, 2021

CHEERS!

There is one thing that I would encourage anyone who leases a car to do and that is to take out the full maintenance package along with the road hazard insurance.

You see, I see my car. It's a Hyundai Sonata Turbo Limited with all the bells and whistles, including hands free stirring. But that is not the point. I have been leasing my cars from Hall Hyundai in Chesapeake since 2015. First I had an Accent, then two years later I moved up to the Elantra, and three years later (last year) I leased this beautiful bright red Sonata. With the lease, I purchased within the lease payments the complete maintenance package which includes free oil changes, free tire rotations, free 15,000 and 30,000 mile necessities like an air filter, fuel filters, etc. It also has the road hazard deal which, as it turns out, I had to use today.

It seems that a couple of weeks back I ran over something that looked like a box, but it turns out was something made of wood. The wood broke with something like large staples in it that stuck to the inside sidewall of my front passenger tire. It was about a week or so before my low air pressure hazard went off as I drove off for work and fortunately I was close to home to double back and get my air pump to reflate the tire. It was a very slow leak so driving the half mile wasn't a problem. After putting the air back into the tire, I watched my gauge carefully to see if the air would slowly leak on the way to the office. It didn't. In fact, four hours later when I left to come back home the pressure in the tire was the same. It remained around 33 to 35 psi for the next week, that is, until yesterday. The warning went off again telling me that same tire was down to 25 psi. Once again, I reflated it, went to work and five hours later headed from the Hall dealership.

The service department there, put the car on the rack and there to everyone's surprise was this piece of work stuck to the inside sidewall and it was so odd that just about every mechanic in the shop had to look at it. What many wondered was how did it get lodged the way it did and how come it was such a slow leaker.

Well, anyway, the dealer did not have that same tire in the shop and they had to have the Hall dealer from Virginia Beach bring one over. So after lunch today, they called me to bring the car in for the new tire. I thought it would be an "in and out" deal, but there were two mechanics out today and several other customers ahead of me waiting for their vehicles. It was nearly a three hour wait.

This accounts for why I am late getting this blog up today; but not only that. I just didn't feel the urge to write anything. Not until now anyway.

So last night, after Janice got to bed I headed for the kitchen and fixed the first of three Lynchburg Lemonades in an attempt to clear my mind and get back into reading Mark Levin's new book American Marxists. I was going to read and finish chapter three and the long chapter four, but for some reason I didn't even open the book. I turned off the TV which was tuned to one of the nostalgia channels airing episodes of Alive, Barney Miller and Andy Griffith (I watch the two Barney Miller episodes between 8:00 and 9:00) and went to the kitchen for a second round of the Lynchburg Lemonade. I was going to go outside, walk around the back yard and near the flower garden and maybe just sit and talk to Princess, but the heat and humidity was so dense I barely could breath. So I stayed inside, turned on some reflective piano music and played it through my Bluetooth boom box and sat on the couch in my den, sipping my drink and letting my thoughts wander.

I started to think about Princess. Reggie was already laying down at the opposite end of the couch, and he stirred a couple of times while I started talking above a whisper to my late beloved little girl dog. I talked quite a bit. I also cried as I was rehearsing a few of the good times we shared. Then my words shifted from talking to Princess to talking to God. While speaking with Him it occurred to me that my life is miserable and that I truly missed my calling. I should have stayed in radio. But not only that, I thought about many of the past opportunities that I could have taken advantage of and just let them pass on by. I got to thinking that the church that I pastored to is a lot like me. They don't do much and I don't do much. I thought about how mediocre we both are and that maybe that I was worse than mediocre. When I use the word mediocre I use it in the sense of "average." My church is really no better than average, but I thought I was below average. Then, I knew the answer to the question that I have pondered a lot in my life's pursuit inside the ministry. That question is why didn't God ever let me have a church that had more than 100 people attending? Why were all the churches that I was called to minister to small, not growing or incapable of growing and not reaching out to others to come and be a part? The answer is simple - now that it came to me with the finishing of the second glass of Lynchburg Lemonade. The answer is that I don't deserve a vibrant, active, growing church. God doesn't want me to have one.

With that answer now brought to the forefront, I went and fixed a third glass of Lynchburg Lemonade. I don't get anymore than a calming of the nerves and an ever so slight buzz from alcohol and try as I might, I can't get "a load on." I just want to be numb and Jack Daniels will do that, but it also gives me indigestion of the worse sort. Three was going to be my limit and as I went back to the den with the third round I poured out my heart to God - not asking or begging Him to give me another chance, or to open up a larger church for me to pastor. No, I just told Him that I am sorry I messed up His plan and I asked Him to read my heart, because I can't seem to read it myself.

What does that mean when you can't read your own heart? I know that if I have tried and am still pondering what is on it that it can't be a hard heart. It can't be a closed heart. It may be calloused. It may be damaged. But it is not closed. I just don't know what is on my heart. I know I am sad and that I am complacent, dull and no better than average. I also know those words I spoke of a couple of months ago - "The 3 M's" are very applicable to me: mundane, monotonous and mediocre. While eating my breakfast this morning I thought about a title to a book that could be written about me: "The Mullings and Mopings of a Mundane, Monotonous, Mediocre Minister."

It sounds like I hate myself, right? I really don't. I have, more or less, given up. No given up on myself, but given up on looking for ways to improve myself. Maybe that is giving up on myself, but I think that is somewhat suicidal. I have no suicidal tendencies nor entertain any suicidal ideation. I just don't want to try anything anymore.

That brings me back to my earlier notation that I just didn't feel the urge to write anything for my blog today. I just don't have anything there to push me. I just want to finish this up and go to bed - and it isn't even 8:30 yet - on a Friday evening.

Well, Janice won't be going to bed early tonight as it is Friday and she doesn't work on Saturday. So I won't be sitting in the den with the lights off and contemplative piano music playing over my Bluetooth boom box, sipping on Lynchburg Lemonades. Not tonight! We have been talking about binge watching Cheers so I guess I will stop now and watch a couple of the episodes from the first year. Maybe it will help me get my mind out of the doldrums and get me a little perky. I mean, after all, Cheers was a pretty funny sitcom. I need a little laughter in my life right now. I need a good diversion. After all, the weekend is here and you know what that means for me: SUNDAY IS COMING!

Blog for July 15 Blog for July 17

Blogging

Blogs are about the blogger. It's as if he or she merely toots their own horns about the things they do, say and love.

My life is boring. I read, I watch Glenn Beck and Mark Levin. I listen to Andrew Wilkow. I engage in some conversation with those who are willing to listen (they being masochistic and enjoy killing themselves with my banter).

I plan on just laying out the things that bother me and the things I love. Nothing in-between. I hope you find whatever I put here amusing.