John Corson's Blog

WRITING & RANTING
for July 21, 2021

A LIFE OF UNFULFILLED EXPECTATIONS

Bring that buzz on - Yes, Sir!

Last night, immediately after I got Janice off to bed (around 8:10), I felt the need to listen to some Beethoven String Quartets, particularly the last three (numbers 14, 15 & 16). In addition to the two before them and another work for string quartet entitle Grosse Fuga, were all written in the later part of Beethoven's life when he was completely deaf. How he heard that music in his head and was able to compose such magnificent music is beyond me.

So, I took my Bluetooth boom box out to the table on the back deck, ran my Spotify app with the string quartets queued up, and I was set to an evening a being personally serenaded by the Emerson String Quartet. I also broke out the Jack Daniels, Triple Sec, Sweet and Sour Mix and Sprite to mix into a Lynchburg Lemonade and I discovered what I had been doing wrong all along in the past while mixing those ingredients. I was stirring it. Last night, with the first of three LLs I failed to stir it and it wasn't so shocking an strong tasting. It was quite delicious! I sat and nursed the glass and listened to the 14 quartet and at the end of that came a video phone call from by granddaughter. Now it was almost completely dark and while sitting outside on any given evening I have to have my Thermocell mosquito repellent on the table near me. As I said before, my Thermocell is in the shape of an English lantern and has an LED inside - battery operated. I don't like to turn it on because it an still draw moths and other flying varmints, but in order for Ragin' Reagan (my granddaughter) to see me, I turned it on and we had a pleasant talk. My 4 year can talk your ears off. Then, she put her daddy on (Bobby) and we gabbed for a few minutes.

After the call, I went in to mix another LL in order to go back out on the deck and listen to more Beethoven. As I was listening to the music and sipping the LL # 2, I started talking to myself. It's the kind of talk as to reason out things that were brewing in my mind - not the kind of talking as if I were blitzed. I was just talking about what I could do to better make my life more meaningful. It all started in my mind with a personal challenge. That challenge was what name would I give as the title of my personal autobiography. I had mulled over a few titles that didn't resonate at all, but at the last sip of LL # 2 and the 15th String Quartet I had the title: The Story of John Corson: A Life of Unfulfilled Expectations. There you have it. It perfectly describes my life within the title so much that I don't even need to write the book!

Of course, I went back over my life's experiences all the way back to playing baseball in Little League, through my high school experiences, going off to college and making very good grades despite me barely graduating High School with a C- GPA. Notice I am not giving the actual number on the GPA??? Then graduating Cum laude from graduate school and preparing for a life as either a college professor or seminary professor with a pastorate on the side (or visa versa).

The possible life I could have had were as a professor, a pastor in a growing or large church, a radio announcer who is also a program director, or a drummer in a rock band. Not that they all mean that I would be somewhat popular or in the  forefront, but that these were things I would and could do well. Also, I was a good baseball pitcher. I wondered where I would have been if I had kept on in pursuit of that goal. Were any of these "Missed opportunities"? Was the lack of motivation to any or all of these things "unfulfilled expectations"?

Asking these questions last night required a 3rd LL. So I went in. mixed a third, put the bottle back in the cabinet, knowing and determined not to fix a fourth, mostly worried that the indigestion those things often give me would keep me awake all night. So, I went back out finished listening to the 16th String Quartet and went over my life's aspirations and concluded that the answer to those questions was an unqualified "YES"!

I blew it. All along my life's path, I blew it. Wrong decisions made without forethought, no decisions made in the hope that someone better and brighter than me would make them for me, decision made too late in the process to give me a leg up and a little success. Once again, the only headache I got didn't come from drinking alcohol, it came from thinking too much. Alcohol never helps, it just gets me to sleep quicker when I go to bed. And boy, did I ever sleep, like a rock!

Today, I was supposed to have lunch with my fellow pastor and close friend Mark Reon. He called about fifteen minutes before I was to leave and meet him at Amici's Italian Restaurant in Suffolk. He had been to his doctor and was feeling very light headed the night before and all this morning. When they took his blood pressure it was nearly bottomed out. His doctor told him to get home and then he talked to his wife, who as you may know from reading some of these rants, is a doctor as well. She is my primary care physician. She was at home waiting on him and I suppose, knowing her, that she was ready with some IV-fluids to give.

Not having a friend to jabber with today, I decided to go over to Newport News and eat lunch at Danny's Delicatessen. It is the only place I know around 15 miles from my house that has corn beef on rye to die for. Add a little Swiss cheese and mayo and I am in heaven. Danny's is owned by friends of mine, Bill and Debbie Vaccarelli. Bill is from Pennsylvania and once worked for a local newspaper when he met Debbie who lived in Battery Park, near Smithfield. Debbie's mother and father worked for the Virginia Marine Resources Commission where my mother had worked for over 40 years. That is how I knew Debbie, since I was in diapers, in fact. She being nearly six years older than I, she once commented rather sarcastically that she used to change my diapers. I do remember that she babysat me a couple of times. She had a brother, named Nelson who was about four months older than I and we used to hang out back in our late single digits and into our early teens. When my parents took an inkling for going across the James River to see their (Debbie & Nelson) parents I, of course, had to go, but I always had a good time over there.

Debbie and Bill bought this deli some thirty years ago, after the newspapers changed hands and Bill was about to be laid-off. It was a venture that paid off in the long run. Now, their oldest daughter runs the place, but Debbie checks in on Fridays - mostly because it is payday and she has to do the payroll.

Yes, I had to have a corn beef on rye today and am glad I did. It filled the spot, so to speak.

Then, I came home to rest a bit and watch some TV. Janice got home around 2:45 and she immediately went to work outside. It didn't take her too long to realize that 100 heat index is not conducive to a healthy body. We will be eating some supper soon and probably watch a couple episodes of Cheers then Janice will have to watch Jeopardy before going to bed.

As for what I will be doing after she hits the sheets, well, let's just say I won't be drinking any LLs tonight. Too much of a good thing, I suppose. I have to be in a pitiable mood which I am not right now and don't think that I will be later. I have to get up in the morning and head to the church office. Funny thing about that - I don't have anything to do. My work for the week is done. But I have to go, if only to sit there and read a book, or something. My secretary feels secure when I am around lest something happens to her computer or the internet or some piece of office equipment and she needs my help in fixing it. She tries to never call me about such things when I am on vacation and the last time she only called me on the first day I was gone. She is in the office two days a week like I am - and on the same days (obviously). So for her to miss calling me one of those days is GREAT!

Going to sit in my office tomorrow with nothing to do but to wait for something to lock up, break or fall apart is my idea of a wonderful day! NOT! Just thinking about it will probably make me drink tonight. But, then again, drinking doesn't do much for me, except put me to sleep. In my life of "missed opportunities" and "unfulfilled expectations," I do enough sleeping as is.

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Blogging

Blogs are about the blogger. It's as if he or she merely toots their own horns about the things they do, say and love.

My life is boring. I read, I watch Glenn Beck and Mark Levin. I listen to Andrew Wilkow. I engage in some conversation with those who are willing to listen (they being masochistic and enjoy killing themselves with my banter).

I plan on just laying out the things that bother me and the things I love. Nothing in-between. I hope you find whatever I put here amusing.