John Corson's Blog

WRITING & RANTING
for November 13, 2021

I LOVE YOU, REGGIE!

It was a long night last night as Reggie has gotten weaker from some ailment, not clearly identified. It is as if he had a stroke, but he hasn't because strokes either affect the left side or right side of the body. It is his hind legs that are weak with the right one hanging there as if it were suspended with a string. He cannot put any weight on it and barely puts any weight on the left rear leg.

Janice or I have to hold him up to pee and poop, which he does with a little hesitancy. He drank some water on his own as I held his hind legs up to his water bowl. That was a good sign. But he hasn't eaten anything without it being forced on him since Thursday night before bed.

We are feeding him chicken flavored baby food through a syringe and as of this afternoon, we have to use the syringe to give him water. We have him on gabapentin for pain as both Janice and me think that his arthritis is acting up. It is supposed to freeze overnight tonight and we have had three very cool evenings this past week. But that doesn't explain the limpness in his hind legs.

He did go to the groomers yesterday and she told Janice that he basically sat all through the process, which he has never done. Usually he swarms around and balks at the trimming process.

He was moaning off and on all night last night which accounts for my constant awakenings through the night. He was in pain, after the gabapentin wore off, from around 4 am, but we can't give him the stuff but once every 8 hours. We gave him a dose last night around 10:00.

About 6:30 this morning, I picked him up from between us and laid him on his side between my left arm and torso and he got comfortable except for the shaking which usually is a sign of either him being cold, scared or in pain. He was cold as I had him fairly well covered and there was so movement or noise, so he wasn't scared.

All throughout the morning, Janice and I alternatingly have kept a watch over him. After we force fed him baby food and gave him a dose of the gabapentin around 1:00 this afternoon, I took the wife to the eye doctor for her appointment to have her vision checked. She thought he was dilate her eyes so she asked me to go along to drive her there and back. We left Reggie in his cage and he didn't move the whole time we were gone (about an hour and fifteen minutes or so). When we got in, he was aroused a little, lifted his head, came up a little on his front legs, still little or no use of his back  ones. We did take him outside and he did his business like a champ, but we had to hold him up.

Reggie has been through so much. As I lay with him in the bed this morning with him basically on top of me, I cried and cried, thinking to myself that this may be it. I talked to him, as I always do whether he is up and alert or laying down and trying to sleep. I told him that it wasn't right nor fair of me to ask him to fight again like he did last year. He was all but gone last thirteen months ago. So how, probably through a lot of prayer and constant attention, he pulled through. I often think he did it with the help of God and his determination not to leave me.

I have told that little guy over and over again that he is my best friend; that he has done what I perceive was his sister's wishes when she was dying, to take care of me and to never leave me lonely. He has done that and his sister, Princess, would be so proud of him. When Reggie leaves me, I have no other doggie to be my friend. Janice says there will never be another dog in the house as long as she is alive. She says she is getting to the place where cleaning up after dogs when they have accidents or make a mess is a little to taxing on her.

We still have the two cats, sisters from the same litter and are eleven years old and getting cantankerous. Cats are not the same as dogs, nor to they have the dedication of a dog. Reggie, as I have said before, was a rescue dog. Janice brought him home from a very bad living situation in which a four year old boy would hit him and kick him just because he was a mean little brat. For the first few years he would vacillate between Janice and Daniel, Janice's youngest son who was still living with us while he was finishing up college. Then, he sat back and waited, biding his time for when he could claim me totally as his human. That time came on September 16, 2016 when Princess passed. Although Reggie has always been the "Alpha" be never tried to come between me and Princess, and it wasn't that I showed Princess all of my attention. Reggie just knew it intuitively that he was having to take a back seat. He wasn't starved for attention and he was always given and shown love at all times.

But, on the morning of the 17th of September, 2016, while we were laying Princess to rest in the back flower garden, Reggie was standing by and never left my side (unless, of course, I had to leave the house to go to work, the store or elsewhere). Some of the times he would ride with me to the church office or just around the neighborhood. He went with me on vacations and was a great travelling companion on those long drives to Florida, South Carolina or, like recently, to Ohio.

Yes, Janice rescued him back in 2008, but he rescued me from the despair and hurt I was experiencing over the loss of his sister. He also rescued me from the loneliness that I always subject myself to because of the lack of trust I have in humanity. There! I said it!

Why do I have trouble at church? Why do I get so ticked off when I am lead to believe that I have to hold the hands of ingrates who just want to be coddled? Why do I hide in my home and church office when there are responsibilities that involve being or meeting with people? The lack of trust I have in humanity, thanks to politicians, lying businessmen, disappointing church members and the like. I don't trust but a few people, my wife and my two sons being three ... and that's about it.

But then there is Reggie and before him Princess. Neither have forsaken me or caused me to doubt their love. They were (are) there to fill the void. I could trust them with my life. I wish I could say that about people.

It's time for me to stop now and go back downstairs to the den where Reggie is lying asleep on his foam pallet in the floor. In a couple of hours he should be awake and I pray to God that I can get him to eat something - on his own. I pray that he will drink water on his own. I pray that he will feel just a little bit better. But, like I was telling him this morning while he was lying on my chest and I was pouring out the tears, it isn't fair for me to ask him to fight some more. Reggie is old, he is tired and he has done his duty and then some. I just told him that when he has had enough, that it is OK to leave and go to that Rainbow Bridge in the sky. "I will be alright," I told him. No I won't! But please don't tell him that I lied to him. I won't be alright.

Brad asked me a few days back what I will do when Reggie passes on. I quickly said, I will sit here on this deck, or in a chair out in the garden where Princess is buried and where he will be laid to rest, and I will spend the next six weeks or more just crying my eyes out. And I will. There is no doubt about it!

But again, please don't tell  Reggie. He doesn't need any "guilt" laid on him at the juncture. He was fought the fight and he has kept his promise to Princess. He has rescued me! And I just want him now to be at peace.

I LOVE YOU REGGIE!!!

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Blogging

Blogs are about the blogger. It's as if he or she merely toots their own horns about the things they do, say and love.

My life is boring. I read, I watch Glenn Beck and Mark Levin. I listen to Andrew Wilkow. I engage in some conversation with those who are willing to listen (they being masochistic and enjoy killing themselves with my banter).

I plan on just laying out the things that bother me and the things I love. Nothing in-between. I hope you find whatever I put here amusing.